Just do it, you rock star!

Defeating analysis paralysis by gaslighting myself into being nonchalant.

My favorite feeling in the world is realizing I’m dealing with a situation better than I would’ve in the past.

A couple of years ago, I might’ve fallen apart and broken down in response to an unfortunate circumstance, but now I’m confident in my ability to handle it. In the past, getting a negative comment on social media or not doing well on a test I prepared for might’ve ruined my day. Now, the former is completely irrelevant and the latter is something I am confident I can bounce back from. Resilience is a muscle I’ve built by patching myself back up again and again.

2024 was a practice in building this muscle and not letting small inconveniences unravel me. All my life, I’ve worried about useless things and robbed myself of my happiness. For example, I looked through my suitcase 3 times while packing for winter break because I convinced myself I had a weapon in it even though the most dangerous thing I own is a pair of scissors I DIY my bangs with. I worry about things that aren’t physically possible and about things that have quite literally been scientifically disproven. I worry that my friends hate me and that my art is bad and that I’ll fail a test after studying for weeks. Keep in mind that I have no real evidence to support these fears—I make them up and start to believe them, which creates a very real physical response.

A beautiful snowly landscape in which I fell.

Worry is a breed of fear. The universe is a dog that sniffs it out and holds back opportunities because it knows you’re not ready. No one is out to get me. It’s just my own fear that things won’t work out that’s holding me back. Realizing this completely changed the way I see life and my creativity. No one is telling me that everyone hates me. No one is transporting me to the future and showing me a reality in which I did fail that test. No one is telling me I can’t reach my goals—it’s just the critic in my head, the dog that keeps barking even when no one’s at the door.

As a result, my goal for 2025 is to stop caring so much. All of it boils down to thinking less and not letting my fears interfere with my actions. Part of this comes from gaslighting myself, which I’ve discovered actually makes me feel a lot better about my life.

Before coming back to school, I had a conversation with my dad about my ancestors’ lore and how they witnessed the deaths of many family members during the Korean war and were literally fleeing their hometown in an active war zone. Just a few generations later, I’m living my comfortable little life with food and shelter. I know people tell you that others’ struggles don’t negate yours, but I *personally* enjoy gaslighting myself by remembering how many people are experiencing struggles a hundred times worse than mine. Worrying is bred into us because the ones who worried survived through natural selection. Even though those animalistic instincts are no longer needed today, we still hold onto them. Hearing my family lore completely changed the way I see everything. I don’t have to worry. I just have to focus on the positive and devote myself to creating something cool.

My “rich aunt who lives with her roommate” outfit.

I’m still an extremely anxious person—don’t get me wrong—but I’m slowly learning to not let my fear control me. It’s so cliché to say “be brave,” but the older I get, I feel like I’m relearning the basic principles of being human. I’m internalizing the aphorisms that I’ve seen on Home Goods signs my whole life. This is why I have a lot of hope for 2025. 2024 was me discovering the changes I need to make in my life. 2025 is about making them.

I’ll probably title this post “just do it, you rock star,” because you have everything it takes to succeed and have a good life right now. You just ended to stop letting the fear of failure hold you back.

Note: I meant to post this in the beginning of the year but forgot lol. Everything very much still applies. I’m learning to let go of my nonsensical worries one day at a time. A head full of fears has no room for dreams!!!!!!!!!!!!

Photos as of late!

Other Updates

Finals week is coming soon, so I’ve been studying all day, which leaves little room for stuff that actually matters to me (being creative!). Fortunately spring break will be right after that, which means I can go back to living my best life (writing all day, making videos and social media content, working on my small business, etc.). I plan to set up signed copies and merch during that time for y’all to enjoy <3

I’ve been considering getting back into music production. I used to make music in high school and quit to focus on writing, but I’m delusional and think I can do anything and everything. If I were an ancient Greek hero, the gods would strike me down for my hubris. I want to make hyperpop or glitchcore or club music or whatever LCD Soundsystem is doing, which I know is hard, but again, I think I can figure it out. I’d also love to DJ for one of those gross sweaty warehouse raves someday, which I think is compatible with this music producer vision.

Anyway here’s some media I’ve been enjoying lately:

• I re-read The Catcher in the Rye and I thought it was hilarious and cathartic. I also read Story of the Eye by Georges Bataille (weird and gross and freaky) and Don’t Let Me Be Lonely by Claudia Rankine (brilliant).

• Listening to: Backroom by Rex Laurent (new underground artist unlocked), I Destroyed Disco by The Dare (the whole album is so so good), fuckboy by brakence, Inside Out by Bladee and Yung Lean, JRJRJR by Jane Remover (insane production), High Fashion by Addison Rae, and Hollywood Baby by 100 gecs.

Anyway that’s it for now. Please please check out VAGUELY HUMAN FIGURES if you haven’t yet, because I put my whole heart and soul into it.

As always, thanks for being here, and happy March!! The February depression era is over!

-Jina :)